


To Woo Or Be Wooed

by vaderina



Series: Prompt Fills [7]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Drunken Meetings, Drunken Planning, Get Together, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 00:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13775859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaderina/pseuds/vaderina
Summary: Prompt from tumblr: Percy and Phina holding an important meeting after office hours and everyone is thinking that they’re dedicating precious hours to safeguard their small magical community. But the truth is, it’s just Percy venting to Phina about his crush on one wildly adorable magizoologist and Phina just listens, pours two glasses of wine & comes up with suggestions on how to woo newt.





	To Woo Or Be Wooed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aliaaaaaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliaaaaaa/gifts).



The threat levels had dropped considerably since Grindelwald had been deported. However nobody dared question the dedication and commitment the President her right hand man, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement exhibited. Like clockwork each Friday afternoon half an hour before the weekend commenced for most Percival could be seen traipsing through the halls of MACUSA on his way to the President’s office. He’d have a bulging thick file on one arm, eyebrows low in a frown that had everyone skittering out of his way. The meeting never lasted half an hour. Gossip had it that on some nights they’d leave on exhausted, unsteady feet late into the night as they shushed each other with frowns so they wouldn’t disturb the peace.

What nobody knew was that once the door shut behind Percival he’d let out a dramatic sigh. A bottle of wine would slip from the file on his arm while Seraphina pulled open a drawer where she’d stashed snacks. Technically they conducted a review of the week but not like most would expect.

“I thought I was going to die on Tuesday.” Percival whined. “He spent 5 whole minutes bent over Fontaine’s desk helping her go over a report. You know Fontaine’s desk away from mine.”

Seraphina eyed her friend with some amusement. Rather that say anything she picked up a pastry and took a very unladylike bite out of it. Percival took that as encouragement to continue.

“If I thought that was bad enough I almost had a heart attack when he straightened up, turned and smiled at me. I swear if I didn’t know better I’d say he had the audacity to wink!”

“Maybe you should just ask him out?” Seraphina dabbed at her lips with a napkin. “This has been going on for how many weeks now? You need to do something about your infatuation.”

“It’s not an infatuation woman!” Percival grumbled as he sat in his chair and picked up a cheese twist. He eyed it with suspicion before biting into it. “It’s not an infatuation. It’s a manly appreciation with an endearing hint of shyness.” Crumbs sprayed everywhere as he spoke with his mouth full. Seraphina raised an eyebrow at him in question.

“Talk me through the week then. I have a feeling even Monday had something mention worthy.”

“Of course it did!” Percival shot back as he leaned forward in his chair, food all but forgotten between his fingers as he began to recount the week, arms going wide with gestures.

It had started off on Monday with Newt drinking hot chocolate. For some reason Queenie had given him a mug with cream on top and naturally Newt looked utterly adorable with a cream moustache and a little dot of it on the tip of his nose to boot. Percival may have wanted to either lick it off or swipe a thumb over his lips to gather up the cream and let Newt suck from him.

“So why didn’t you?” Seraphina asked.

“Because that is crass, absolutely not subtle in any way and far too forward!”

“Ah. I see. And how is subtle working out for you?” her question earned her a scoff.

“I let him get away with a truly sloppy report. I think he might get the hint soon.” Percival sounded so sure and Seraphina couldn’t help but laugh. She let Percival continue, admiring the fact he times exactly how long Newt spent bent over which desk, how pert his ass looked and how his hair fell so endearingly in his face whenever he looked up at Percival. Which was really rather often. It was a wonder that Percival managed to get any work done at all while the other man was around.

Wednesday sounded really rather uneventful with Newt “only” trying to teach the erumpent mating dance in a training session. It almost made sense that he’d paired everyone up to practice seducing their partner but Seraphina questioned why Queenie had to be part of the training when that meant Newt had to partner up with Percival rather than make his rounds helping the trainees.

“What if you had given him an erumpent?” She finally asked.

“And where would I get one from? Aside from it being highly illegal.” Percival retorted with a sniff and took another swig from his glass. Without a word Seraphina filled it up again. It looked like it was going to be another late night of drunkenly shushing each other on the way out again.

“Fine, not an erumpent. But I’m fairly certain we have some eggs in stasis down in the evidence locker that you could court him with.”

“I’m going to pretend you did not just suggest I raid the evidence locker in order to impress and woo someone. I’m the Director of Magical Security! I cannot be seen breaking the law!”

“I could always make it an order for you.” Seraphina suggested boldly. “You can’t not obey your President.”

“Let me tell you about today before you make such a wild suggestion again.”

It was a day from hell for Percival. Everything had gone great. Reports turned in on time, or even early, they were precise,concise and exactly how Percival liked them. His meetings had been brief, no dawdling or needless squabbling. Even the criminals had been fairly quiet which made a nice change. Which didn’t explain why Newt was charging around the department in a tizzy, searching for his wretched niffler. Even for confusing was the fact that the niffler seemed to be perched on Fontaine’s desk, happily playing away with the golden buttons. Either Newt was testing a new niffler catching technique or he was out of his mind because when he spotted the creature he started unbuttoning his shirt (in full view of Percival’s office) and getting everyone to crouch down so as not to disturb the beast. Percival himself was pretty disturbed by what he saw but obviously Newt was more concerned about a different kind of beast. Shirt off Newt crept towards the desk and in an explosive leap he used his shirt like a net to capture the unresistant niffler. Creature firmly wrapped in shirt, Newt turned to the aurors with a grin, gave the beast in his arms a scritch and another shiny thing and announced that’s how nifflers ought to be caught from now on.

“And the worst of it?” Percival’s tirade came to a climax. “If that’s how he catches nifflers from now, I want to be a damn niffler.”

Seraphina couldn’t hold it together anymore. She collapsed onto her desk in a fit of snorting giggles. The wine bottle had run empty a long while back. The pastries and food was mostly untouched but another bottle had been emptied during their meeting and a third one was half way there too.

“I can’t believe we take the last half an hour of the week off to get drunk and try to figure out ways to woo Newt who seems to be wooing you.” she snickered.

“I’m the one wooing him thank you very much.” Percival glowered at her and sloshed some more wine into his glass.

“Then lets look in the evidence locker to see what you can steal his heart with.”

It seemed like a great idea by then. The President and her right hand man stumbled down the stairs with terribly serious faces fulled into stern glares as the tried to tell the other to keep it down. It was late, there weren’t many people around and they in no way were drunkenly heading down to steal anything for Newt.

The evidence locker was more of a giant room with a filing system that few people actually understood. They meandered through the maze of shelves until they arrived at the stasis shelf. There were eggs, shrunken creatures in cages and many other things that probably would have horrified Newt. Seraphina looked at Percival.

“You really want to woo him?”

“Yes! Have I not made that glaringly obvious?”

“Then take them all. Clear the shelf. Here. I’ve got the clearance for this. I’ve got the clearance for everything.” Seraphina giggled as she conjured up a basket and began to put everything in it.

“And what have we here?” a voice from behind them asked, worry mixed with amusement. Percival and Seraphina shushed them at the same time.

“We’re wooing Newt.” They laughed a little as they continued to empty the shelves.

“By robbing the evidence locker?” Another voice asked.

“That sounded like Newt.” Percival whispered loudly to Seraphina who turned.

“It looks like Newt too.” She muttered back.

“And it is Newt.” Newt finished for them. “Percival, you told me I could come down here with my case and free these creatures.”

“Did you?” Seraphina swayed as she looked at her friend. Percival frowned and scratched the back of his head.

“Oh yeah.” Everyone stared at him as he smiled sheepishly. “I can fix this.” He announced cheerfully and grabbed the nearest egg. Newt winced at the handling of it but didn’t say anything as Percival walked up to him.

“Newt,” Percival asked and held out the egg, “will you marry me?” He turned to look at Seraphina. “I think I got it right. I’ve got it in the bag!”

The surprised “whoa” from Newt as he lunged to catch the egg Percival had forgotten he was holding drew Percival’s attention back. Newt cradled the egg close to his chest and looked exasperatedly fond.

“Take me out for a drink first. Then we’ll talk about marriage. 4pm sharp tomorrow afternoon. I might even consider letting you take me to dinner after that drink.” Newt’s smile softened. “But perhaps you ought to get home and sleep a bit before you think about why you and the President wanted to rob the evidence locker.”

“Tomorrow. 4pm.” Percival looked giddy and Seraphina was relieved. She refrained from doing a fist pump but only because the basket was heavy on her arm. As she waltzed past Newt she passed him the basket.

“About bleeding time Scamander.”

**Author's Note:**

> Got a prompt? I'm slow and steady on tumblr - @ladyoftheshrimp


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